Medical

Having a sick child forces one to look in the mirror and recognize: you can't change anything. Oh, one can feel, one can think, one can act, but one can't force a sickness not to be. One can't take it into custody or beat it into submission by sheer force of will. At least, not typically, right? Even if we'd all wish such were possible.

I dislike feeling powerless.

I hate watching my kid cry as the doctor prods him and he screams remembering this particular woman drew blood from his ears the last time while exercising her poor bedside manner. "This hard wax will soften with application of warm water or olive oil," she said with a smile as she scraped his soft skin till it bled. I wonder why she didn't offer to soften up his ear wax before digging in herself?

Now Hunter knows her face and screams when she gets near.
Yesterday he shook in my arms as she examined him. No ear scraping, but he remembers and the simple ear check shook him. And what did years of medical training conclude was at cause for his fever, rash and month long repetition of the same: keep a journal so we have more info.

Today: Hospital.
I've taken my kid to the hospital more times than I care to count and most of the time staff are helpful. Our recent experiences with clinicians have been less than satisfying. He's run a minor fever several times a week for a month, had a persistent rash and is out of sorts--but they don't have an explanation.
No he has a lump near his thyroid. It probably isn't anything related to his thyroid but he's a year old.

Why a lump?

They took an ultra-sound, x-rays and smiled. "Look at my friends," said the ultra-sound tech as she ran her hands through the hanging Winnie-the-pooh and friends stuffed animals dangling from her ceiling. A nice touch, but while looking at the swinging toys seemed to interest my son, I wanted more than a smile. But answers don't come from the ultra-sound tech. 

I dislike how the system works: take a number, get in line, wait to see your doctor later. Yeah, that's right: the doctor who sent you to get the tests done doesn't see you on the same day, or week you get the tests done. That would make too much sense.

Waiting...
Wait some more and by the way, yeah, if they don't know after their standard tests, the answer is simple: "Babies get diaper rash, get fussy and its probably that 'bug' going round."

There are many ways to tell a parent softly they're a little over cautious, but I don't appreciate any of them, particularly when that isn't the case.  My kid is sick. Often. Why?

I wish I knew.